Yes, you’re awkward. Guess what? You get beautiful and become a model.

So work it :P

Love,

Your future 21 year old self 

Dear younger me, I know that you think your friends are super awesome right now, but that girl you have so much fun with, is pretty flakey and boring as an adult. Dropping out of high school together was a pretty stupid move on your part, and you’ll regret it when you’re older. You’ll always be friends with Steph, she’s been there since you were 6, and at 25 is still faithfully by your side. 

Now that that’s out of the way, it’s time to break your heart a little bit. A year ago, you found out that dad has a drinking problem and that his liver isn’t very healthy. You should really try to fight with him less. I know that he’s just like you, stubborn, pig-headed and quick-witted, but try to take it in stride. He won’t be around forever. In fact, he’s going to pass away when you’re 19 (which is a pretty bad year overall, but you’re strong!) and you won’t realize all of the things you and he will miss out on, until it’s too late. Be happy though, your mom meets an amazing man later on, who treats her so well and makes her happy. You’re going to love him.

I know you’ve always been unhappy with your body. Future you has the same issues! What I do want to ask, is that you stop giving your body away. You may feel like the attention is making you happy, but it isn’t. You are decreasing your self-worth. You’ll come to regret those boys and regret the way you lived. Don’t try so hard to impress them. At 25, you have an amazing guy in your life who loves you for who you are. Your dad would love him. 

Finally, I want to say that I’m proud of you for sticking to your guns and not doing drugs with the rest of your friends. You’ll encounter plenty of acquaintances and friends who pass away due to overdoses, and you’ll be proud of you, as well. 

-Future you.

 Believe it or not, Junior high was one of the best times you’ve had so far. Grades mean absolutely nothing, its all about innocent friends, crushes, lockers and lip gloss. So be prepared for your life to flip.

  Freshman year will be hard, You feel like you don’t fit it, but you almost do.  Everyone will be bugging you for paper and pens and answers, and you’ll give them to them because you’re desperate.  You’ll go through this phase where you like pink and zebra a lot, (it will settle down, but Junior year you’re still loving zebra print). You’ll meet your first boyfriend this year. You’ll break up with him after a week (but you’ll tell everyone 2 and a half weeks just to make yourself seem better) because he will be too clingy. You won’t get a call back for the choir you wanted, but you won’t shed a single tear because you realized your shy. Something really amazing happens too, you discover volunteens. You spend your whole summer mostly at summer p.e and volunteens. 
     Sophomore year classes will be tough, Mom will push for honors and you’ll fight through the best you can until december when you drop out. You’re still in love with choir like you always have been, in fact, you’ll find this year better than ever, You won’t be shy anymore and people will like you. History will be the only class where you truly get to be yourself. You’ll think that your year is bad and freshman year was better, later you’ll see it wasn’t that bad. Geometry will make sense, and you’ll really like it. You’ll get a callback for the choir you wanted, and you’ll go to auditions and you are really confident, it’s awesome. You won’t make it and you’ll be really mad, but its just high school choir its not the end of the world. You run for president, but end up becoming the vice president. Don’t quit, this will change you. That summer will be so amazing, You go on a trip to Europe with 28 other teenagers for 19 days. That will change your life, and don’t worry there’s still time for volunteens. 

   Junior year will start tough, you’ll battle with the office to fight for good teachers. You’ll be happy in choir, and the friends you make this year, something tells me they are keepers. Around December you’ll start to hate being in choir.  By February you’ll have convinced yourself you suck at singing. You’ll have piano class this year, it’s your favorite class and the teacher is nice too. You’ll become better at playing piano than singing. In March you’ll drive over a center divider on accident and blow out a tire. Feel bad but remember it isn’t as huge of a deal as you are going to make it out to be. You’re going to fail 1st semester Algerbra II, but you get to take it on an internet course that seems to be going o.k for you right now.  By March you’ll be ready to quit choir, but near the end of it you’ll figure out a plan and hope it works out.

love, yourself 4/11/12 

The storm has hit. Mom’s overdosed, dad’s gone all the time, and you’re depressed. This isn’t the worst you’ve gone through. Remember when mom was in and out of rehab and hospitals? Remember when you found her bloody in the bathroom? I promise you, you can take worse. 

I know, you’re only fourteen. It’s okay. It’s been a few years, and things have taken a turn for the better. Hold out.

Don’t start carving again. Those scars will be with you forever. And please, don’t drink that bleach. I know that moving out of your hometown, and into the city, in the summer, with no friends is hard. I know how shitty it feels not to be able to call them, or see them. But, just hold out through the summer.

Once you start school, you’ll meet the love of your life. And yeah, he won’t like you back. At first. Give it time. Don’t become despondent when he gets with that suicidal girl again. Just hold your head up and keep an optimistic outlook. She’s gonna hurt him. She’s gonna hate you. And frankly, you’re going to do some stupid shit because of it. But remember, no matter how much it hurts, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. In the end, they’ll break up because she can’t see how amazing he is. When you sense it coming, just keep quiet. Don’t even suggest it. And when he slips up and calls you his girlfriend, just grin quietly. I promise you will be, soon enough. 

And, do me a favor. Don’t stay out of school for that year. No, no. No excuses about saving up or not being able to get money. Just buck up and do it. It’s worth it. 

I love you.

-Older you

Your father died three years ago when you were ten. Though you may not notice it yet, your life is heading down hill. FAST. Your mother is going to stop taking care of you, your little brother and little sister because that’s her way of coping. She just lost the love of her life for 16 years to a horrible disease called Cancer. You’re going to be extremely upset and you’re going to start holding a grudge against her but take it easy on her.  When you grow older, you’re going to be able to look back on the whole situation and realize how hard it must’ve been to become a single parent of three over night. On top of it all, the financial difficulties from Dad being in the hospital for months before he died is going to take a toll on your family. 

Hey, me, through out all of this bull crap, you’re going to find a lifelong gift. You’re going to make best friends with your siblings because without them, you wouldn’t have been able to make it through and with out you, they wouldn’t have been able to make it through. 

Ten years from now, I’m going to be SO friggin’ proud of you for the person you’ve become. You and how hard you’ve worked are going to be the highlight of my life.

Hang in there, kid! I’ll be waiting for you with open arms at the end of the tunnel.

From,

23 year old me.

Firstly, go wash your hair. You heard me. Go wash your greasy hair, and get a fringe cut in. Pronto. The way we have our hair at 16 is NOT a good look. Yes, yes, yes, I know the professional red dye job meant we had to have it cut short and its growing out…trust me, we don’t do that again…. and actually when you get to 20, don’t dye it black with a permanent home dye kit either…that was costly to fix.

Secondly, don’t worry about that boyfriend. He is not the best you can do. Let’s be honest…. He is punching well above his weight in the looks (and personality) department. He doesn’t treat you as well as you deserve to be treated. I know this to be true, because I found one that does treat us well. Very well in fact. (And he’s pretty hot!)

Oh…and don’t skip school. I know you want to spend time with afore-mentioned boyfriend, but please re-read afore-mentioned paragraph. He is a waster. You should not be spending your Saturday job money on buying him cigarettes. He is 5 years older than you and should be able to hold down one of the many jobs he has walked out of. The fact that you can skip school in the afternoons to spend time with him proves what a waste of space he is. Thankfully, we are smart so we get through our GCSEs with ALL A-C’s, but that is not to say I’d like to drop those C’s and make them B’s. Get your head in a book.

I know we are tall, (we still have that issue in 9 years by the way) but try to find some clothes that cover your midriff….please for our future sanity… 25 year old us is much slimmer and less ‘wall’ like… we can wear crop tops in 2011…they come back in fashion (as do leggings…DO NOT throw that massive bin liner away).

Remember that the friends you have now are not the friends you will have at 25. Apart from the very few (and I can think of 1), you will speak to no-one you hung around with at school. You will meet the majority of your girls in a few short months when you get your behind to college. And yes…I said girls. In fact, you will have no close male friends at 25, despite that right now you are the “guy who knows about girl stuff”. Yet this is only due to the fact you have your wonderboy and not because men now hate you.

Get over your chin. Get over it. It is large, and yes, in the future you will refer to yourself as ‘Desperate Dan’, but you grow into it. It makes your face unique and you’d actually look really boring without it. I know you don’t believe me, but just you go research what they have to do to make it smaller….go on…… yeah…I thought the big metal bone file would put you off.

Oh and your skin? Make your peace with it. Use moisturiser. Spots will plague our life right up to the present. And being pale? That is our trademark.

Lastly, be happy. Do things that make you happy. Don’t grow up too quickly. Be silly, make mistakes. You don’t want to get here and have anything to regret. At 25, we don’t regret anything, so just you keep it that way ok?

Lots of Love

25 year old You

www.shinypigeon.wrodpress.com

When you meet him, just move on. Those flutters aren’t worth what he’s put you through and now, years later you will be kicking yourself for being cliche and falling in love with love.

Don’t let former friends make you bitter toward the world, senior year you’ll meet this amazing girl and you will have an amazing romance.

Also, you may have thought you were straight with some exceptions, but it’s the other way. You like girls, a LOT. It might take some time to realize it though.

Speaking of which, don’t be cocky. You might think you have no boundaries but someday you will have a naked woman in front of you and you will be speechless and awkward. 

In a nutshell, calm down. I’m not going to pretend that life doesn’t suck sometimes now, but the people in your life are a lot better.

Sincerely,

The future you

P.S. Seriously, avoid that douchebag. 

You really should listen to your friends. That boy that you are so “in love” with… doesn’t love you. Deep down you know this. Stop denying it. He’s using you because he can. While you’re sitting at home waiting for him to call, he’s out with some girl doing whatever the hell he wants. That sweet, caring boy you knew in 8th grade is gone. Stop crying yourself to sleep every night and go out with friends. I promise life will be better without him.

Sincerely, You at 21 with an amazing 3 year old and a fiance that thinks the world of you.

P.s. Don’t ever start talking to that boy again. It leads to something you can never take back.

Please remember to smile. Keep on helping others, ignore your own problems as they will only hurt you more. Keep yourself focused on other things, and therefore distracted from all the inconsequential things. It will get better. You will meet a girl. You will meet a guy. Your ex turns out to be one of your best friends and you will eventually buy a double bed!

Oh, and please try and remember to finish those Product Design sketches early this time! It will help a lot when you’re not up until 5am the night before the deadline.

Don’t worry about your wonky teeth, the story of how they became wonky is a classic tale amongst your friends in later years. Maybe if you’d remember to wear your mouthguard for rugby practice you wouldn’t have smashed them in!

Don’t drink malibu. Or lambrini. Don’t tattoo yourself in maths class, it’s a stupid idea. Or pierce your lip in english. You hate it and take it out 3 hours later.

You will eventually realize all of the fucked up bullshit that affected you as a teenager, and you will ditch it completely and move on. It will not touch your life except to serve as a reminder of the fact that I have been through worse.

You will get engaged. Yes, you. You will also work with children, even though you’d tell anyone you despise them.

Ditch your driving instructor, she was just trying to squeeze money out of you. Go for the expensive one and save yourself money by passing your test faster.

Don’t let up your secrets, keep them safe, keep them close. They are yours. They are integral to who you are, and to let others see them is a major mistake. Oh well. You’ll do it anyway.

Put the knife down and put the kettle on. Don’t forget to feed Wotsit!

I know the relationship with Dad is tough. He’s an alcoholic and really isn’t a dad at all. Please give him a chance and try to get close with him. In about a year his whole world is going to come crashing down. Mom wants a divorce. Dad is completely blind sided and his heart is broken. It will be for a long time. Don’t go live with Mom. Stay with Dad and let him know you still love him. Believe me, he’s not sure. If you go with Mom, there will be a lot of fights and you’ll end up resenting her. Her new husband is also an alcoholic and he has anger issues. You and him will fight and you’ll hate Mom even more. After all, he’s the reason you are no longer a family.

If you don’t get close with Dad now, you never will. 5 years after the divorce things will still be awkward between you two. His health isn’t getting any better either. All you can think about now is how you want to hurry and get married so he can walk you down the aisle. Your heart breaks a little every time you think about him not being there.

Please don’t give up on him. He really is fragile.

Sincerely,

You at 21, wishing you could have changed things 5 years ago.